Hey guys! I got my first writing prompt yesterday from an old friend of mine. The prompt was ‘Write about a firstborn child - from the parent’s perspective’, which I thought was brilliant - especially as today is UK Father’s Day. So here’s what I wrote.
Look, it’s not that I don’t think you’re cool. You are. I swear, I’ve never laughed harder than when you got your head stuck in one of my shoes. You’re a funny kid. But you’re so quick! I turn round for a second and you’re gone! I mean, for a 2 year old who can’t get formulate a coherent sentence, is it really fair that you can accelerate faster than most supercars? I get it, you’re young. And I won’t lie, it’s nice to watch your enthusiasm. You have a love for life that’s as invigorating as your turn of speed is tiring. Because believe me, it is tiring. There’s got to be some way to harness your energy – I did try to persuade you to do laps of the kitchen table once so I could measure your speed, but true to form you fell and hit your head, and that was the end of that. Well, I say the end – you were off again in less than 20 minutes but your mum confiscated my stopwatch.
Look, you have to calm down ok? Mummy thinks that it’s time for your little sister to come out, and so Daddy needs to take her to the hospital. Granny’s here, she’ll look after you. I bet she’ll even let you stay up late and watch Total Wipeout with her if you’re good, won’t you Granny? You’re 4 now, you’re old enough to watch big boy programmes. Ok champ? When we get back, you’ll have a little baby sister! Of course you want a sister! You’ll be able to look after her and show her your toys, we have some toys for her so you won’t have to give her any of yours – unless you want to? Where are you going? Oh.. oh kid. Yeah, I’ll give your mum Stuffy Bear to take with her, she’ll appreciate that. We have to go now cus Mummy needs to get to the ward but you be really good for Granny and make sure she doesn’t eat too many sweets and we’ll see you soon ok? I’ll take Stuffy Bear.
Look, we’re going to be late if you don’t hurry up! You don’t want to be late for swimming club do you? Have you got everything? Goggles? Do you need to take a float with you today? Are you sure, I thought the teacher said you should. Go and get one anyway and we’ll take it. I think at 6 years old you should be able to manage a float… I just need to get your sister into her car seat. Go it? Ok, come out with me and I’ll – ahhh! Are you ok sport? I know, it looked like a nasty fall.. Did you hurt yourse-oh. Ok, we’ll need a plaster on that. Ok, we’ll have to leave your sister here, up you get. I’ll set you on the work surface but don’t tell your mum you’re up here. You’re a really brave boy for not crying, look at you! Ok, here’s plas…ter… hmm. Ok, you know what kid? I think I’m upgrading this to a bandage! That’s like a really big grown-up plaster that you can wrap around! Hey, what did we say about no crying? Hang on, if I get you a sweet will you not cry? Cool, that’s my champ. Right, unwrap your sweet, I’ll need to bring your sister in here, then we’ll just wash up that cut and get you all sorted out. Ok, this stuff here is called anti-septic. It’ll chase away all the grubby things in your leg, like aliens and spiders! Then we can wrap you up. It might sting a bit – there! Done! How’s your sweet? It looks fairly engrossing, thank God… Ok, we’ll have to tell Mummy about this but I won’t forget how brave you were. How’s your sister doing in her car seat? There we go, all wrapped up! Now, I don’t think you should go swimming with this bandage on because it might get wet and that would be silly, so how about we go to the library instead? I’ll let you pick out a few books for being so brave.. That sound good? Ok, let’s go.
Look, I KNOW it looks fun, but put your sister down! It’s not safe! Yes it’s cool. Yes, I’m a bit impressed with how you’ve managed to fit her entire head into a one leg of your mum’s tights but what if she can’t breathe? You’re the oldest, kid, you have to think about these things! Hahaha, look at her face when I pull the tights up! I mean, no, this was irresponsible, you have to promise me not to do this again? You’re 8 now, you have to be a grown-up big brother to your little sister! How about you get the Lego and we can play with that? No? You don’t want to play Lego? But we could make a really cool spaceship! With giraffes on it! I bet I could make a Lego giraffe. There, see, your sister is free! Come on sweetheart, let’s go wash your face. Was it fun in the tights? Did your brother make you pull faces? Ok dude, what did we learn? No more tights on faces. Ok, so what do you want to play with? The rolling pin. You want to play with the rolling pin. Right, well.. ok, you can play with the rolling pin for just a while. I’m going upstairs, I’ll be in the Lego room if you need me.
Look, I’ve told you so many times, you’re not going on your bike unless you have your helmet on! See, I’m wearing mine.. They’re cool! Course nobody will laugh at you, they’ll all think you’re doing a good job and being safe. Well listen, you’re not going on your bike without a helmet, you can wear one or you can walk. Your sister is wearing one! And her’s doesn’t even have Darth Vader on it. Honestly, I wish I had a Darth Vader helmet. Right well you’re 10 years old and I’m older than you and I’m your dad so I’m telling you if you don’t wear a helmet then you can walk with your Grandma round the lake and me and your sister will go bike riding without you. There. Good, see, that wasn’t hard was it? Oh come on don’t be grumpy! You’ll spoil the bike ride. Listen, if you and your sister are good on the bike ride we’ll stop halfway around at the ice cream place and get an ice cream. Promise? Good, well let’s go. You ready mum? See, mum has her helmet on too – put your helmet on dear – and now we’re ready. Finally! Granny will be already at the ice cream place by now! Let’s go!
Look at you. You’re wiped out. It has been a long day, and as usual you’ve probably travelled 10x the distance we have. You look pretty angelic in the back seat there. Course, you could well be faking it – I have no idea why you do that, or why I did it when I was your age for that matter. But hey, like father, like son. You weren’t exactly a planned baby, but I’ll tell you what dude you’re the best thing that happened to me and I’m very glad you did. I have so many plans for your future – I’m going to build you a treehouse, I think. And a lightsabre. And you can never have too much Lego. I go to bed more tired than I’d thought possible and I wake up with way less sleep than I wanted, but if that means spending more time with you then so be it. It feels like I blinked and you’re older. Aww, look at you there. I’m pretty sure you’re actually asleep, you tend to move rather deliberately if you’re faking it. We’re nearly home and I’ll carry you in and stick you in bed, then maybe me and your mum can have a cup of tea and watch a film before our bedtimes. People say you look like your mum but secretly I can see you have my nose. Don’t tell anyone because they’ll squash my dreams but I hope you become something really, really cool. Don’t be a banker. Don’t be an estate agent. Be an artist, or an architect, or someone who builds jet engines for a living. Be something cool, kid – but above all, know that your mum and I.. we love you. We love you so mu-
OH NO, PLEASE DON’T WAKE UP!
Look, it’s not that I don’t think you’re cool. You are. I swear, I’ve never laughed harder than when you got your head stuck in one of my shoes. You’re a funny kid. But you’re so quick! I turn round for a second and you’re gone! I mean, for a 2 year old who can’t get formulate a coherent sentence, is it really fair that you can accelerate faster than most supercars? I get it, you’re young. And I won’t lie, it’s nice to watch your enthusiasm. You have a love for life that’s as invigorating as your turn of speed is tiring. Because believe me, it is tiring. There’s got to be some way to harness your energy – I did try to persuade you to do laps of the kitchen table once so I could measure your speed, but true to form you fell and hit your head, and that was the end of that. Well, I say the end – you were off again in less than 20 minutes but your mum confiscated my stopwatch.
Look, you have to calm down ok? Mummy thinks that it’s time for your little sister to come out, and so Daddy needs to take her to the hospital. Granny’s here, she’ll look after you. I bet she’ll even let you stay up late and watch Total Wipeout with her if you’re good, won’t you Granny? You’re 4 now, you’re old enough to watch big boy programmes. Ok champ? When we get back, you’ll have a little baby sister! Of course you want a sister! You’ll be able to look after her and show her your toys, we have some toys for her so you won’t have to give her any of yours – unless you want to? Where are you going? Oh.. oh kid. Yeah, I’ll give your mum Stuffy Bear to take with her, she’ll appreciate that. We have to go now cus Mummy needs to get to the ward but you be really good for Granny and make sure she doesn’t eat too many sweets and we’ll see you soon ok? I’ll take Stuffy Bear.
Look, we’re going to be late if you don’t hurry up! You don’t want to be late for swimming club do you? Have you got everything? Goggles? Do you need to take a float with you today? Are you sure, I thought the teacher said you should. Go and get one anyway and we’ll take it. I think at 6 years old you should be able to manage a float… I just need to get your sister into her car seat. Go it? Ok, come out with me and I’ll – ahhh! Are you ok sport? I know, it looked like a nasty fall.. Did you hurt yourse-oh. Ok, we’ll need a plaster on that. Ok, we’ll have to leave your sister here, up you get. I’ll set you on the work surface but don’t tell your mum you’re up here. You’re a really brave boy for not crying, look at you! Ok, here’s plas…ter… hmm. Ok, you know what kid? I think I’m upgrading this to a bandage! That’s like a really big grown-up plaster that you can wrap around! Hey, what did we say about no crying? Hang on, if I get you a sweet will you not cry? Cool, that’s my champ. Right, unwrap your sweet, I’ll need to bring your sister in here, then we’ll just wash up that cut and get you all sorted out. Ok, this stuff here is called anti-septic. It’ll chase away all the grubby things in your leg, like aliens and spiders! Then we can wrap you up. It might sting a bit – there! Done! How’s your sweet? It looks fairly engrossing, thank God… Ok, we’ll have to tell Mummy about this but I won’t forget how brave you were. How’s your sister doing in her car seat? There we go, all wrapped up! Now, I don’t think you should go swimming with this bandage on because it might get wet and that would be silly, so how about we go to the library instead? I’ll let you pick out a few books for being so brave.. That sound good? Ok, let’s go.
Look, I KNOW it looks fun, but put your sister down! It’s not safe! Yes it’s cool. Yes, I’m a bit impressed with how you’ve managed to fit her entire head into a one leg of your mum’s tights but what if she can’t breathe? You’re the oldest, kid, you have to think about these things! Hahaha, look at her face when I pull the tights up! I mean, no, this was irresponsible, you have to promise me not to do this again? You’re 8 now, you have to be a grown-up big brother to your little sister! How about you get the Lego and we can play with that? No? You don’t want to play Lego? But we could make a really cool spaceship! With giraffes on it! I bet I could make a Lego giraffe. There, see, your sister is free! Come on sweetheart, let’s go wash your face. Was it fun in the tights? Did your brother make you pull faces? Ok dude, what did we learn? No more tights on faces. Ok, so what do you want to play with? The rolling pin. You want to play with the rolling pin. Right, well.. ok, you can play with the rolling pin for just a while. I’m going upstairs, I’ll be in the Lego room if you need me.
Look, I’ve told you so many times, you’re not going on your bike unless you have your helmet on! See, I’m wearing mine.. They’re cool! Course nobody will laugh at you, they’ll all think you’re doing a good job and being safe. Well listen, you’re not going on your bike without a helmet, you can wear one or you can walk. Your sister is wearing one! And her’s doesn’t even have Darth Vader on it. Honestly, I wish I had a Darth Vader helmet. Right well you’re 10 years old and I’m older than you and I’m your dad so I’m telling you if you don’t wear a helmet then you can walk with your Grandma round the lake and me and your sister will go bike riding without you. There. Good, see, that wasn’t hard was it? Oh come on don’t be grumpy! You’ll spoil the bike ride. Listen, if you and your sister are good on the bike ride we’ll stop halfway around at the ice cream place and get an ice cream. Promise? Good, well let’s go. You ready mum? See, mum has her helmet on too – put your helmet on dear – and now we’re ready. Finally! Granny will be already at the ice cream place by now! Let’s go!
Look at you. You’re wiped out. It has been a long day, and as usual you’ve probably travelled 10x the distance we have. You look pretty angelic in the back seat there. Course, you could well be faking it – I have no idea why you do that, or why I did it when I was your age for that matter. But hey, like father, like son. You weren’t exactly a planned baby, but I’ll tell you what dude you’re the best thing that happened to me and I’m very glad you did. I have so many plans for your future – I’m going to build you a treehouse, I think. And a lightsabre. And you can never have too much Lego. I go to bed more tired than I’d thought possible and I wake up with way less sleep than I wanted, but if that means spending more time with you then so be it. It feels like I blinked and you’re older. Aww, look at you there. I’m pretty sure you’re actually asleep, you tend to move rather deliberately if you’re faking it. We’re nearly home and I’ll carry you in and stick you in bed, then maybe me and your mum can have a cup of tea and watch a film before our bedtimes. People say you look like your mum but secretly I can see you have my nose. Don’t tell anyone because they’ll squash my dreams but I hope you become something really, really cool. Don’t be a banker. Don’t be an estate agent. Be an artist, or an architect, or someone who builds jet engines for a living. Be something cool, kid – but above all, know that your mum and I.. we love you. We love you so mu-
OH NO, PLEASE DON’T WAKE UP!